eriy's Journal

1:56pm:

4:17pm: I'm a little homesick. I miss my brother.

I've sent a few messages to Tim. I never would've thought I would be where I am now. This feeling of everything coming full circle feels complete and good. It's also very surreal.

This year is going to be something entirely different.

1:20pm: One more day until school starts...
One more day until school, and I still have to pack.
I am still procrastinating.

I'm not going to lie, school is going to be a lil' hard at first. I'm going to be meeting all new people, again. Some things should be left unsaid. Complain less, and try for more.
This is going to be an entirely new experience, and I'm excited for it.

Ok. Packing. Let me pack you. I can stick you in my suitcase, and when we get to college, you can live under my bed. I'll feed you, and pat you. We'll play, and it'll be a good time. Please?

5:56pm: Dear Livejournal,
Don't take this too hard, but I'm going to revert back to my personal handwritten journal for a while. Don't get me wrong, I'll be back, but I just need the alone time. I need the intimacy of my own hand writing and private thoughts.

I never wanted to be the person who has to have their entries private. I never thought things in my journal would be changed without my consent. I like my journals at home. Did I ever tell you that I was writing them for a little over the time that I've had an lj? Four notebooks. An evolving writing style. It's nice to see things progress, and to physically turn the page. No one has yet to read those. Well, Conor read an entry. He doesn't count.

Today threw me into being an introvert. That's all right. "These things are cyclical" to quote the play that Lisa and Greg were in. Perhaps I over react? Perhaps I'm only me. Either way, I want to hide right about now.

I'm at my internship, so it's not like I'm pulling out the hermit card. See you around!

Love,
Eriy Marie (aka Erika, Jerika)

2:29am: 2:29 in the morning.

When you're trying to fall asleep and you get so frusterated tossing and turning that you feel like screaming, it's time to realize that you're just not going to fall asleep.

My day earlier today/yesterday was amazing. It was a great couple of hours that got me out of my frusterated slump. I picked Andrea up at a party. Ama, Andrea, and I watched Chocolat at my house and then had a lil' sleep over. Ama and I played DDR and went swimming later. It was a great time. Rehearsel was a lot of fun!

...Now I just can't sleep.

Don't expect me to not feel like punching you. I most surely do want to take my rage out on someone.

edited later at 5:07 am: GO TO BED, ME!

Ok. Plans for the day:
-wake up in three hours
-go shopping for Conor. find him a penguin/a ska bowl-cup/and many many ways to lose the game.
I JUST LOST THE GAME!
-I have the play at 8! Everyone should go see it. It's a minifest thing at BATV and it's $7 at the door.

11:25am: I visited Matt last night in Manchester, and I did not get lost. I think that calls for a celebration! He's doing well. We watched Cry Wolf which was pretty good as far as those kind of movies go.

My allergies have started.

So far, my day will consist of editing and Brooks. Not too bad if you ask me.

p.s, I just took the quickest shower in Erika history. I think that was under five minutes. I'm so confused. I'm not getting lost while driving, I'm taking quick showers? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!

1:18am: The Real Update, from Erika
In the future I will observe Tea Time, Cocktail hour, and Ciesta, but never all three in the same day except for holidays.

My Mom always told me Princess Di had grace because she didn't look down when she was walking down the stairs. She told me to see how a guy treats his mom, and that's how he'll treat his wife. She told me to go to college before I had kids.

I generally hate guys, but I'm pms'ing, so you must forgive me.

GOD DAMN my legs are itchy.


P.S I tried printing out a script a couple of days ago, but it didn't work out. Actually, it reverted back to the original document before I made changes that only took me an hour. Ok. NOW! I remake all the changes. It's ready to go. I go to save it, and guess what happens? DAYS LATER??? The computer magically recovers the one I did originally on a different program. It's like "HERE YOU GO!" Thanks. I just did that again. Thanks.

11:40pm: Essay by Conor, inspired by Erika
Spelling. Commonly known as the way you spell things. Some people spell things.. lik dis. Some people spell things IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO GET ACROSS A POINT. How do I spell things? The way they were meant to be spelt (or spelled). In other words, if you look up things in the dictionary and happen to see a definition, you can also find some other good common knowledge. Usually, located somewhere near the definition (often to the upper left), you can find the arrangement of letters which tend to form said word. This is called "the spelling." Try it. Learn it. Love it. Be it. Bey

11:53pm: I always have the hardest time getting offline when I don't feel full-filled. Here I sit online. I've read over much of 2005 of my lj. There were memories and stories I've entirely forgotten.

Five years I've had this lj. Five years I've known Conorible. Conorible came over last night. We went to Burger King and just chilled out here. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Tonight, I went to the mall to visit Coreen. Then Harleen, Amanda, and I went to the Cheese Cake Factory where the host-guy oulled out the chair for me. Good food. I SAW FRANK FROM SCHOOL! Frank from PG-10!!! I love my peer group. I wasn't sure if it was him, because it's, as I discovered, really weird to see FPC people in my own area. So, as I was almost away from him I did the classic yell his name method and if he looked then it was him. If he didn't look then it wouldn't be him and I wouldn't look too much like a fool. Well, IT WAS HIM! Hah, so he gave me a hug and a few words were passed along, and then I had to get to the movie.

Sara was joining us to see The Lakehouse with Keanu Reeves which I don't know how to make of it, really. It's kind of like kiwiis. You think it's good, but then you're not too sure. It might be horrible...but you're iffy on that desicion too. It was great with the girls though. A lot of fun.

3:38pm: GOD DAMN YOU MYSPACE! You won't even physically let me delete you! I will punch you and allow your web organs to decay when I get ahold of you!!!

Today my dad and I worked on my car.

I like using a debit card. SOOOO EASY!!!!

Conor came over last night around 11. We made grilled cheese and talked. He left around two am, cause he had to leave for New York at five am. Good times.

1:15pm: I miss the winter at FPC. I never utilized the wonderance of it all. The light shining on campus illuminating the snow fall. The soundless calm that blankets the world when everything is muffeld by snow. That's my favorite sound. Hands down, it is my favorite sound.
Liz, Jess, Amy, and I played in the snow one day. Amy ran through all the snow on the ground that was previously untouched by other foot prints. That was a good day.

Too bad I actually hate the cold. Cold things are my number one enemy whether it be water or wind.

Conor slept over last night. Unintentional. We were watching "Seven" and afterwards sleep just occurred, I suppose. I slept upstairs on the couch. ...Jon called to say good night, and that little act was very comforting.

edited later at 8:49
Early 90's club music. Classic. The clear female voice singing a lyric or two over and over and then the rough, deep male voice comes in with a lil' rap. Beats matching the heartbeat. Oh, I love it.

Can you tell I'm bored today? The worst part is going to be tomorrow. I'm absolutley dreading the 13 hour work day. But hey, at least the latter half is going to be the INTERNSHIP which I'm wicked scared over.

12:22pm: My Father bought a jeep, and he's teaching me how to drive standard. Everything seems to be ok for me as far as driving, but I can't do reverse to save my life! Well, the whole family jumped in it Thur. night and we got ice cream from Friendly's (My mom didn't want to go too far) It's blue and cute. My dad says I can only borrow it to go to the beach and I have to have the top off, otherwise "there's no point in it."

Yesterday was my Mother's birthday, and I stopped by her work to give her a rose. I think she liked it. We had the obligatory cake and icecream event later in the night.
Throughout the day I drove through Tewksbury with Conor, and then painted a quote on highschool walls. "What? I can graffiti the highschool walls legally? WHY, YES!"

...I just slept for 12/13-ish hours? It felt great. I love the weekends. My back is rather stiff though, and I could use a good massage.

The quote I painted up by the cafe: "Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breath more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, Love more;
and all good things will be yours."
-Swedish Proverb



edited a few hours later:
We just had the BBQ. Lisa and Conor came over, and I had a great time. Everything from knives being shoved into my car windows, to legos and fake fruit being hidden in Lisa's purse. We took my lil' cousins out for icecream, and Amanda was working there! Lisa successfully got my watermeleon pillow back from Conor, only for him to steal it again. ::shake fist at Conor::
We even had the icecream that's in the shape of a watermeleon, so Conor was excited about that.

Good times.

10:53pm: Hello?
How are ya?

Am I the only one online?

I just watched my first full episode of 24.
-and I got to paint on the highschool walls.
Tomorrow, I start my day all over again.
Maybe I'll make a checking account.

...I'm feeling unfullfilled.
Is this life? If it is, then it's wrong.

6:10pm: The real question is, what do I do after 7 hours of tedious work? How do I make my last remainding hours of the day worthy of life before I wake up and do it all over?

I have a meeting with the guy from WNDS about an internship sometime next week.

I saw DaVinci Code last night. Solid movie, don't listen to reviews.

I think I might sleep over Ama's tonight. OH, and my mom is making chicken, brocolli, and ziti, which is my favorite from when I was little.

11:06am: Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to spare.
Yea. My basement flooded. There's goes my room. Everything seemingly survived, including my camera, but not my carpet.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm bored and feeling highly anti-social.
Unless you're knocking on my door wanting something to do (with something in mind) please, please just leave me at peace until this rain lets up.

Rain, go away.

Steph mentioned movie night? I would call that a thumbs up idea, and I would be highly social for that. I'd say we could do it at my house...but yea. My basement flooded. I'll bring the popcorn though.

My room mate lives in Danvers, right on the inlet. She literally has waterfront property...I wonder how her house is faring in this weather.

12:59pm: Summer has started for me. The most important things on my list right now:
1. Call WNDS and claim that internship that they offered me a long time ago. (...if it's still available...::hope::
2. Sign up for BATV, 'cause I was a complete idiot not to do that sooner.
3. Quit Brooks for good. I've been having dreams I need to, that's a sign.
4. Call Finard and tell them when I can start. I really hope Conor gets the job there too.
5. GO VISIT ALL MY FRIENDS!
6. Give Krystal the money for Maine.
7. GET MY CELL PHONE, because a boy named Skippy apparently stole it from me.

9:14am: Me (in a rant): It pisses me off, people put little condoms all over the place where they don't go!
Shannon: Wait, what?
Me (stops short): Oh, I meant commas. Commas, not condoms. ...I'm an idiot.

So far, today has proven to be an amusing day, but then again I've only been up for two hours. Let's make some magic, people!

Erik's friends asked me last night to make a flier for his band or something. HAH! He's trying to get in touch with a multitude of people for myspace banners and other such. (so I think he must've im'd Liz too, yes?) Personally, I'm looking forward to it. Hell, I don't even know this kid and I suggest everyone who reads this makes one for this kid and we'll make it into a contest. Whoever wins gets the rest of my skittles. Hell, I don't want the skittles anymore so I'll sabotage my own project. I am sick of skittles.

I've been listening to Mitch Hedberg a lot lately. Yea...::le sigh::

P.S I lost my i.d. I'm hungry.

8:25pm: Today was a fairly relaxing day. I got my classes finished early, then lacrosse practice. Then a manicure, pedicure, and a two hour nap ensued. Then there was dinner, soccer, and Team Falcon!
Soccer and Team Falcon action was probably the highlight of it all, but one thing at a time, okay?

Some primped up soccer player from the other team had my favorite number on (4). He was so annoying, and it wasn't because he was so good I couldn't stand it, but because he was the biggest whiner ever. Evah. He had a really hard kick on that ball, and it went slamming right into my forearm. I thought he took out my arm and I was left armless, because immediatly my arm went numb. I didn't make one peep though and kept playing. Of course later in the game, he trips on the turf and starts whining about it: "What the fuck, this is supposed to be inturmural..." It's sports, it happens, get over it.

Then I went straight to Team Falcon. We were filming Pour Out a 40, and the show came out pretty good, actually. Really good, and it was live. I was floor manager on it. My first words when Landon told me to do it was "Oh, shit." I had my messups, but I've got it down and I'll rock it out next time. I just forgot the act of being quiet on the set, hah.

Now, I have a paper to write. A craving for soda(eww...) to satisfy, and sleep to obtain.

No lacrosse tomorrow!!! The situation of no lacrosse has both its ups and downs.

10:36am: ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH! I've missed another class today. ::stares at the alarm clock with vengence::
The worst part was that I was up, I just closed my eyes and then suddenly I missed my class.
This is the first week that I've done this too. Oh well.

Prof. Bob Weiner says I can go to any class of his. I'm sure normal people out there are reading that and saying, "Why would you want to go to extra classes?" Let's put it this way: Bob Weiner is amazing and I want him to be my uncle. And being able to jump into classes, just
because? Hell ya!

I'm not used to a lax season sucking. First time for everything though.
I'm pms'ing so I will continue to destroy my body by eating unhealthy food. Fries...ewwww, how I hate them, but I eat them cause they're in front of me!!!
Don't worry, I'll jump quickly back into my health kick in a couple of days.

6:21pm: Everything has been a whirlwind. A lot of stuff worthy of lj and a multitude of things that lj isn't worthy enough for.
Right now I sit in the J-Lab and I'm just waiting for the production team to start. We're filming two shows tonight. More importantly, I should be working on my intro to media production project, but I don't know where my editor is, and he has the footage!!! I'll see him later tonight though.
Except Matt is expecting me to be at an intermural soccer game. I know he's counting on me, but homework is a bit more important.
Media production, how I love you!

Quick side note: People show their personalities through their kisses. It's amazing that I'm starting to recognize this.

12:39pm: revelation
A few nights ago I was locked out of my hotel room from 2:30am to 6:00am, because Conor called me so I went outside to talk to him, and I forgot my hotel key.

During this lockout, in the warm florida night weather, a revelation happened.

I answered the two questions that have plauged my mind since I hit puberty: "Why do people kiss?", and "What is right for me, conforming to society and holding the belief that innocence is to be preserved, or human sexuality is natural and shouldn't be repressed?"

Both questions I was able to answer. What a night.
I've decided that humans kiss because it is a way of connecting directly to the other person emotionally. Eyes are said to be the windows to a person's soul. A person's congnitive resides in the head. An inner monologue is not felt in the stomach or the toes, it is felt north of the body--in the head. Humans enjoy kissing because it is the most direct way to connect emotionally. The mouth is an open, receptive, and sensitive area close to where our thoughts are literally residing. The mental enjoyment is so overwhelming that it coarses through the body and becomes phsyical.

Also, I've decided that innocence is something that is inevitably lost with every person. It is meant to be lost and usually is an honor to be someone's "first." Being mentally ready, and physically comfortable then innocence isn't something destroyed. I've cared for my innocence and I enjoy the innocence around me. It is a natural state of life. (Of course, I just wish I knew a few things before hand...I would feel much less corrupted if "Pippin" had been fully truthful to me...)

These are the answers I've searched for I choose to accept them.

6:50pm: Florida is tomorrow, and I feel nervous. I'm excited for the games. My first college game will be Saturday!
Things might go well with before-mentioned boy, and I'm giddy. Assuming, I can get out of this hole I've put myself in.

I'm going to be an RA next year, and I'm REALLY excited for that, because my friend Kim Ruth is going to be down the hall! She's going to be an RA too. Wow. In the end of it all, things are looking good. The only downside is that I won't be room mates with Carla anymore. She was fun, and we really started to get close lately. She gave me all her handmedowns which are amazing!

I'm addicted to lj lately.

12:15am: Wow. I really always want what I can't have, huh?
Life is draining. I find myself every night going to room from room being bored as hell. I look for some form of instant gratification. I won't be satisfied until I can find what I am looking for.

I want to go home so much right now and visit a few people that I haven't seen in forever. I need that little dose of medicine to continue on with life.

I leave Saturday for Florida with the lacrosse team, and of course I'm feeling nervous. I hate plans despite the fact I've been on them many many times. I hate planes. I am completely mortal.

I am mortal.
immortal? Sounds the same. Defintly is not.

Oh gentle boy,
touch me now in your soundless state.
I've grabbed hold to the idea of you
and it pains me that I'm never letting go.
stare into my eyes in your soundless state
take hold of me with your quiet mind
kiss me with your soft lips. blurry. invisible. touching.

Oh, you don't know how much I want this kid.

4:08pm: All right. I gave in. I got another myspace, but I won't make it real!!! It's still just for looking at people's pictures!
And by people's pictures, I mean a certain person. And no, that person is not Erik.

I haven't felt a crush in a long time. Holy scheiss, what do I say or do? This is too much stress!
It's a crush, because even though things go well at the night time watching movies, and hanging out...it's not going well any other time.
We pass each other in the hall ways, or working in the studio and it's like nothing. It's like we barely even know each other.
I'd say I feel used, but I don't, because I don't want a relationship anyways. I just got out of a huuuge, stressful, loving/hurting relationship with Erik, and I don't feel like putting all that work into another one just yet.

I'm really attracted to this kid though.
He's so mature, yet knows how to have fun.
Motivated.
Dresses well, and dresses down.
Gentle.
Strong.
EXTREMLY good humor.
Same birthday.
Of good height.

I'm infatuated.
I'm frusterated.

Good god. Right now, if nothing else, I just want to get to know him!!!

(edited at a later time: and when I say he's 'gentle' I mean "OH GOD, touch me now. Please!" I thought you'd like that overshare! ^_-)

12:48am: HACK
I love my brother Kevin so so much.